One hour
by StrawberrySab
Summary: Inspired by Diane's line in "Lunch" to Will. How is their relationship affecting their lives? Formerly "Playing with Fire". Collection of oneshots from various episodes
1. What if we suddenly had good timing

"_You and the women. Chicago's 16th Most Eligible Bachelor..."_

Sitting at the bar counter with Will, flirting and laughing with him, Alicia couldn't care less of what people might think.

"_What if we suddenly had good timing?"_

Watching his hand cover hers, she couldn't care less of what people might say.

"_We need a room for the night."_

As she stands at the hotel reception desk, Will desperately attempts to get a room and she looks around. She doesn't even feel the need to hide.

Smiling, confident and audacious, she feels alive, her head up, fearless.

Slightly amused by the lack of rooms (what irony) she couldn't care less if people see her, the newly re-elected State's Attorney's wife, getting a room with her boss.

Why should she worry anyway? She just kicked her husband out. She just sent her only friend - or at least whom she thought was a friend, to hell. She has been betrayed by the two people she trusted the most. So, what does she have to lose? Her pride and dignity were taken away from her two years before and it took the two years since to build it up again. She's been through so much that she really doesn't care about people's judgments anymore. Actually she thinks that people shouldn't even be entitled to judge her because honestly, she's been through enough. Judged, labeled, insulted, studied in her every gesture. She just doesn't care anymore. She's vaccinated against their venom.

It's when they're riding up on the elevator, the two of them finally alone, that she's assaulted by doubts. What is she doing? Does she really want this? She hasn't been with any man other than her husband for the last fifteen years and it scares her to hell.

"_Will?" She says hesitantly._

Not until Will's hand is taking hers, brushing her cheeks, caressing her hair, his mouth placing a soft kiss on her lips does any tiny hint of fear dissipate.

She no longer feels anxiety, only curiosity and eagerness to go further than she would ever thought she would go, without fear of the consequences, to just be in the moment. To not let doubts cloud her emotions and just do what she wants to do, which is to make love to Will.

After all, a good lay never did harm. God only knows how much she deserves it. Not to mention, she can finally make her wet dreams about him come true.

Goodbye to gazing his picture on the magazine of the most Eligible Bachelors, pretending he's there, when she is really alone in her bed on a late Thursday night, as she slides a finger inside herself, wondering how would it feel. Wondering how _he _would feel, inside of her. If the damn elevator ever ends its ride up to the Presidential Suite she could find out.

In the meantime, they enjoy their ride up, her urge rising as she feels Will's hands on her ass. Her hips instinctively move forward, pressing against his body. She starts to pray to a God that she doesn't even believe in, that they reach the room very quickly. Fifteen year of waiting and they cannot hold back through some floors.

As they reach the door, she can't help but notice how Will seems to be nervous, fumbling with the key, praying to God, for good reason she admits, because the stakes are high and he just paid 7800 dollars for 'one hour' with her. The wording doesn't really come out as flattering, but she doesn't care.

"_It's ok."_

She takes the key and the control of the situation before Will can leave, forgetting that he had a second key in the first place. Opening the door, making her way inside the room, she feels different. More confident, desired, worshiped.

Even if it is just for one hour.

It doesn't matter what happens tomorrow. They might regret it, they very likely will. Or they might move on with their lives as if nothing ever happened, pretending tonight never existed. It doesn't matter at all.

Standing in front of each other, they couldn't care less about the surroundings. They don't see the full-length window or the breathtaking view of the lake, they don't see the finely embroidered curtains.

The valuable painting hanging right over the bed (which is probably worth the whole room alone) goes totally unnoticed.

For what it's worth, they could be in a tent and it wouldn't change a thing.

The feeling of Will's hands taking her jacket off reminds her that it's real, it's happening and it's definitely too late to step back. Not that they show signs of second thoughts anyway.

The thought of what people would say about her one hour affair briefly crosses her mind. She smiles, picturing Owen cracking in some joke about her sultry-eyed lover. A slight concern builds up on her face at the thought of her kids and what opinions would they form about their mother, here in this $7800 apartment about to make love to a man that is defiantly their father. If they were to know...

Wanting to get rid of that picture as fast as possible, she starts to devour Will's mouth, taking off his jacket, frantically going through the buttons of his shirt and it's not like he complains, as he fumbles – again, is it her or the 7800 bucks that makes him so nervous? – with the zip of her skirt.

Her soft smile and the confident look tell him that everything's fine, giving reassurance that she won't have any second thoughts or regret it the morning after. And her skirt is finally gone.

She catches a look in Will's eyes, she doesn't know if it's just lust and desire or if it's something more but the way he's staring at her is making her feel beautiful, forgetting she's a forty-something woman who gave birth to two children and not one of his young hot flings.

It makes her feel special. He makes her feel special.

She feels embarrassed for a moment as he starts to unclasp her bra, her hands instinctively raising to cover her now naked breasts.

She feels her breath becoming erratic, her heart beating faster as he leans towards her, gently taking her hands, placing soft kisses on her palms, then moving them to her sides, so he can cup her breasts, gently sucking on her nipples.

It's everything she needs. It's the reassurance she needed that her body is still fascinating, desirable, ravishing, hot enough to get someone like Will on his knees.

She finally puts all her fears aside, letting herself go completely, enjoying their little exceptional moment, tasting the pleasant feeling of his warm mouth on her breasts and skilled hands on her skin.

Whatever happens, she will need to remember this moment, how it feels completely right, and so good and overwhelming.


	2. About last night

"Ask Will to step in." Diane's request is firm but very polite.

Alicia hesitates for a moment, the mention of his name causing a slight shiver. She puts on her best poker face and holds back a smile.

The shower she took only one hour before took away the weariness of the totally sleepless night, but not the scent of his body and the strong smell of sex. It did not take away the still fresh and strong feeling; of their passionate and starving kisses, or the feeling of his mouth and hands on her body, or the feeling of his strong erection inside of her. Nor did it take away the suddenly bitter feeling as when their bodies still entwined, they looked into each other's eyes and realized they had to let it go, that their exceptional moment was over, but not really wanting to. They just couldn't let go.

"Will? Sure."

As she turns around the corner, out of Diane's sight, a smile forms on her lips. _Will. _Suddenly she can't hear his name and think straight. It was their moment, what they both believed was their only chance ever to be together, to fulfill what they thought would always stay confined in their raciest, intimate and private dreams.

So when the unexpected and so long craved occasion presented itself, they didn't let any hint of shame or restraint get in the way, letting their most secret fantasies become reality. She found herself thinking about the occasion she had lost two years before, when during a snowy night, she turned his advances down and ran away. _How stupid_, she thought, but the situation was completely different and she would have probably ended up regretting it. Unlike the previous night...

She doesn't regret a single second of their encounter. She doesn't regret his mouth placing soft, yet devouring kisses on her body. She doesn't regret his tongue, leaving soft trails on her skin at first, then making its way inside of her. She doesn't regret whispering his name on the wave of her orgasm. She sure doesn't regret the feeling of _being _with him. She feels herself blushing and shakes her head to get rid of that picture. She needs to concentrate. She needs to get Will to Diane.

Peeping inside his office, her smile turns in a hidden grimace of disappointment upon seeing his empty chair. It makes her heart ache slightly. There is nothing she wants more than to see his face and hear his voice, and there really is nothing she wants more than to hear him say that he doesn't regret it either.

"He's late. Overslept. Must be from celebrating yesterday's victory." The secretary interrupts her thoughts.

She still doesn't know who she has to thank for that glove, she probably never will. Not that she really cares, but it turned out to be their winning card in the case. Not to mention, it prevented Will from trying to stop his girlfriend on her way to London – is she even still his girlfriend? She doesn't care and it seems as Will also couldn't care either.

"Must be." Alicia nods in approval and doesn't need to hide a smile.

How lucky, being the boss. You can spend the night making love to your associate, oversleep, be late at work and no one says anything. Being the boss means your secretary even takes the trouble to justify your lateness. One day she has to tell him, that it's not fair at all. Maybe she will do later today, as soon as he's back from 'celebrating'.

* * *

While on the phone with Kalinda, discussing new evidence, she catches sight of Will walking by her office, stopping outside and talking to one of the new associates. For a brief moment, she feels breathless, her heart starting to beat faster. "I have to go," she says to Kalinda and cuts the phone call off as he walks in.

"Hey. Am I interrupting?" Will's tone is serious.

He fakes professionalism so well, but his eyes tell a different story. She can see he's as nervous as she is, if not more.

She was on the phone with Kalinda. Of course he's not interrupting. She would have probably cut off Diane, too.

"Nope. How are you?"

She gives him a genuine, yet slightly concerned smile. Because she's not really sure where they stand now. What they have become and how they are supposed to handle their… whatever it is they have. Call it affair, relationship or plain sex! If it ends up having a follow-up, it needs to be defined in some way, it needs limits, or some sort of rules.

"Good. Do you have a moment to talk?"

Talk. Here they go. At least, that's what she's reading on his face.

"About last night?" she teases him.

She gives him a knowing look and a provocative smile, as she rocks on her chair, making sure her long legs are in good sight. For a moment, she forgets that they are in her office, surrounded by associates and what's even worse, Eli's office right on the other side of the corridor.

"Yeah." Will's voice is barely a whisper.

He looks down and she can't believe what she's seeing. Will is embarrassed, a shy smile formed on his lips.

She saw him angry, frustrated, tired, motivated. She saw him sad, disappointed, flirty and genuinely happy but never shy. It's something new, a side of him that she didn't know, that she has never seen, not even back in law school and it makes her smile. She realizes that she is the one making him feel like that and it makes her feel special, and even more self-confident. She can make Will Gardner blush.

The sudden slam of a door makes them both turn around to see Eli in his office, clearly pissed by something. Snatched away from their little moment, they are brought back to the reality of their surroundings. Regaining composure, Alicia sits straight, a serious look on her face and for a moment she can't meet his gaze. She is suddenly reminded that some things haven't changed: she's still married, he's still her boss. What has changed must remain private.

"We should figure out how to… handle this." Will's boss voice is suddenly back on and she finds herself already missing that glimpse she got only few seconds before, but he's right.

"I know." That's all she can say. She's not sure she wants to be the one setting the limits to their relationship. Mainly because she doesn't have an idea in the first place of what Will wants from this relationship. At the same time, she's afraid that her separation might give him a sort of go-to for something 'serious', which she's pretty sure it's not what she wants. Not to mention, that she would not be ready for it.

"We should keep… this..." _This_? She has no idea how to define 'this'. "We should keep us," (this, 'us' sounded better), "private," she finished aloud. Private is a good word and sounds better than secret. For some reason, she thinks that 'secret' is something to be ashamed of and she's not ashamed of this, whatever it is. What it is, is...complicated. It is a very unconventional situation, which makes it necessary to keep their feelings 'private'. Yes, 'private'. She nods in satisfaction at her choice of words.

Looking up at Will, she catches the slight change in Will's look. He doesn't seem satisfied with her choice of words, his eyes show a slight disappointment, hidden by a small smile.

"Yes," he says in a whisper, "we should." Alicia knows that is not what he really thinks. She may sometimes be naive, she knows it, but she's not stupid. Plus, their longtime deep friendship gives her the advantages of knowing him very well.

"Will…" She suddenly feels the need to give some kind of explanation.

"Yes?" The last glimpse of shy and blushing Will is gone forever.

"It's just that…" How can she explain it to him? "It's complicated…" Of course it is. "I need… to sort some things out…" It's true, but she's not sure if Will can understand that. She realizes that it might be more difficult that she thought it would. She realizes that neither of them seems to be able and to handle 'one hour' as it was supposed to be. Just one hour of fun.

She gives him a soft smile, hoping it helps him get the real meaning of her words. She doesn't want to let it go, she just can't commit to something 'official'.

Will remains silent for a moment, probably pondering her words. "Can we…meet? Later today?" His smile is reassuring, he has understood what she wants, what she needs.

"Ok." She smiles back, looking down.

"You should look pissed off, or upset," Will says and for a moment she has no idea of what he's talking about. "I just gave you an earful. You've been a bad girl."

She holds back a laugh and puts on her best upset face as Will turns around and leaves. They are now both satisfied with the promise of more to come.


	3. Anticipation

A whole afternoon spent in a court session turned into a complete disaster. Their client ended up being charged with murder and Alicia, busy in a meeting with Diane and Will, is still trying to understand how it could have happened. Trying without success because Will's presence is somewhat distracting. Only one hour, she tells herself. Trying to keep her gaze on Diane, her main thought is that she and Will are going to meet in one hour, and certainly not in a courtroom.

The client, she repeats to herself trying to get rid of that thought, the client first.

"He was playing a video game," Alicia explains, trying to justify him.

Looking at Will, she can't help but think about the game they'll be playing in one hour. A totally different kind of game. The kind of game that contains two players and, usually, a bed, or whatever the environment offers. A wall, a bathroom, even a desk if necessary.

He has been teasing her all day with risqué texts, leaving really no imagination at all as to what his intentions are, as to what he will be doing tonight. "I'm gonna lick your slice till you scream for me to get the whole cake." She still blushes at the thought of his message, she still panics at the thought that it would be seen. Outside the courtroom, she nearly crashed in Peter while reading it, her hand instinctively hiding the phone behind her back, shuddering and stumbling in her own thoughts. One hour. Just one hour.

"In which he killed a schoolhouse full of kids." Will's voice is harsh, he slightly turns his head to give her a quick look and she's not sure if it's all an act or if he's just trying to avoid her gaze for fear that he might betray his real feelings. One thing she's sure of, it turns her on. He turns her on. She has to force herself not to blush, not to smile, but she feels her heart beating faster, and she's slightly relieved that at least she can blame this faked fight for her growing anxiety.

Alicia admits to herself that Will playing the disappointed boss is priceless and totally something she missed before. She is used to his nice comments, compliments, sweet smiles and looks. She's used to him being sometimes overprotective and caring with her. She has to admit that she's used to be put on a pedestal, always trusted and taken in high consideration from him. She can't remember a single time when he gave her an earful. Well, maybe once or twice, on her first days at Lockhart & Gardner; but for what she can remember, she screwed a couple of his cases pretty badly at that time.

Plus, knowing it's all a set up, a hot little game built between the two of them only, to keep their affair hidden, is proving to be pretty damn exciting. It's like putting up a fight just to end up in a wild and passionate reconciliation sex.

She doesn't want to stare at him, she forces herself to look away but she just can't. Strong that he's not watching, she watches him, not risking to meet his gaze and give away the excitement. One more hour.

Her response is harsh as his one, if not more. "Yes, but in a videogame. Have you seen videogames lately? We can't abandon Jamal. He was looking at misdemeanor battery. We helped him into a murder charge." She feels the level of her own voice rising. She can be a great actress if she wants. She spent so much time hiding her feelings, fears, worries, from everyone, kids included, that she just learnt the art of acting masterly. Sometimes she doesn't know herself if she's pretending or not. She's so good at it that she manages to hide her feelings from herself too.

She catches the annoyed look on Will's face and has a hard time not bursting in laughter. But she's somewhat worried either because apparently even Will is so good in acting, that she's not quite sure if he's pretending or if he's pissed off for real. After all, their client has just been accused of murder, jumping out of the frying pan into the fire. Not to mention, well… this is really their first official fight, if she can call it that. It's something she's not used to. Something she's not sure she can fully handle, but she's going to find out very soon. In one hour.

"We?" Still looking at Diane, Will must certainly have a past as poker player. Or more simply, he has the art of lying in his genes. Which wouldn't be something new to her anyway.

She notices Diane's looks at both of them and she wonders if she suspects. Or if she's ingenuously swallowing every single word, look, bickering of their nice sketch, wondering what the hell is happening in front of her. Maybe they are overdoing? Maybe she will ask him later. One hour later.

"I helped him into a murder charge. Which I did as a representative of this firm. We made a commitment to him." She feels the tension rise, and is unable to contain the blush anymore. Ignoring each other is easier, putting up pretended fights is not so easy. Fun of course, more than she'd ever thought, but at the same time slightly unnerving and not worthy of some concern, because how can you really tell where the pretending ends and the real tension starts? She wants to stop it, she needs to stop it, and she's thankful when Diane finally dismisses her.

Leaving her office, she lets out a heavy sigh, thankful that it's over. She is anxious, now more than ever, to get a sort of reassurance from Will. She turns around to see him and Diane still deep into a discussion, Will's gaze straight at his phone screen, his fingers busy pushing its small buttons. She jumps a little and smiles as she hears her own phone bleeping. "You know I should spank you, don't you?" She fails to suffocate a laughter and turns around to see a couple of lawyers throwing weird and questioning looks at her. She's thankful for not having to justify her outburst and opts for immediate revenge as she texts "My boss is so mean with me today. I need some comfort." She wished she could add some sad smiley to the message but her technological skills don't go further than this, and having to ask the kids for assistance would be embarrassing, to say the least.

Her thoughts are interrupted by another bleep. "My place." That's all the message says. Enough for her heart to start thudding; she feels her core heating and pulsing and is thankful she has some time before their encounter.

Looking at her image in the wide mirror of the bright and freshly decorated bathroom of the 28th floor, she slowly combs her hair with her fingers and smiles at the image reflected. She likes the new herself. She likes how it feels to be the new herself, and most of all, she likes that an important part of the new herself is that, in fact, it's not new at all. Actually the only thing that changed is her haircut. It's how she sees herself that has changed. It's how Will makes her feel that changed the way she sees herself. Loved, worshiped and adored, he makes her feel that way. Something she remembers feeling in the past, something that was forgotten after two years of humiliations, something she can finally feel again.

Finally satisfied with her look, she straightens her dress up before leaving, already anticipating the feeling of Will's hands taking it off.


	4. Are we overdoing it?

**Author's warning: Please note the change in rating to M because of the content in this particular chapter. The reading of this chapter depends on your comfort in reading scenes of a sexual nature. It is up to you to decide. As always, I hope that you read, enjoy and review. Thanks!**

* * *

She's been staring at the door for minutes, unable either to leave or to enter. All she has to do is to knock twice at his door, Alicia tells herself, as she hesitates in front of Will's apartment.

_His place. _She realizes that it's the first time they have broken the safe boundary of hotel rooms. So anonymous, somewhat cold and sterile, they were the perfect place for their encounters, leaving no room for doubt of what kind of relationship they agreed upon only a week before. Just sex and fun, an indefinitely extended 'exceptional moment,' with no personal involvement, because they both know that their timing is still not right. Still, she's here, contemplating the consequences that crossing this doorstep implies. Moving their affair to his place is making it… personal, more... intimate. It changes this 'affair' or whatever they want to call it, and takes it to the next level. Does she want it? Is she ready for that?

All the reasons for why this whole situation is wrong crosses her mind. Her marriage, their boss/employee relationship, her kids, the scandal arising if their relationship comes out. Yet, it feels right and every single cell, nerve and muscle of her body wants it to be right.

She closes her eyes to push every remaining doubt aside, and knocks at his door. Once. _Toc. _Twice. _Toc._

The click of the lock makes her jump slightly, her heart thudding as the door opens in front of her. For a moment, she thinks she can still go, tell him that it's a mistake, that they are moving too fast, that they should confine their relationship to what they had agreed upon but when she meets Will's gaze… there is something in his eyes, in the way he looks at her expectantly. It's at the same time reassuring, captivating and exciting.

"Hey," she manages to say, as she feels her anxiety turn into excitement.

"Hey," he replies, his own voice quivering, giving away that he might feel the same way.

Suddenly his door and his apartment don't look so scary anymore, as she steps in, a shy smile on her face.

In the corner of her eye she catches quick glimpses of the décor. The reddish-purple foyer, furnished only with a minimalist mirror and a lampshade perfectly depicts Will's essence; masculine, simple and clearly devoid of any female influence. An apartment not meant to be shared with a woman.

That's all she manages to see. She turns around upon feeling Will's hands slightly brushing her arms, then making their way up to take her jacket off. She doesn't bother to lay it somewhere, she blithely lets it fall down on the floor, as Will starts to place soft kisses on her mouth, on her cheek and down on her neck, gently pushing her against the wall. She feels a shiver running down her spine as the bare skin of her back touches the cold glass of the mirror.

Probably feeling her body shivering, Will looks up to meet her gaze, a slight concern on his face. "Is everything alright?" he asks in a whisper.

For a very brief moment she considers sharing her prior doubts and fears with him but she has spent so much time letting her head rule her life that, for once, she chooses to hush her conscience and rationality and lets her heart decide for her. "Yes," she whispers, smiling, leaning forward to meet his lips, the coldness of the glass creating a strong contrast with the warmth of his mouth.

Their tongues meet, exploring each other's mouths. She loves the feeling and taste of his kisses. Even the chaste ones, just slightly brushing her lips, they convey a passion, an essence of lust, longing, love, an emotional, sensual and sexual charge that always leave her wanting for more, wishing that time weren't such a hard master, regretting the moment when it's over and she's brought back to the reality of her daily routine.

Will runs his hand up her thighs to push her dress up over her hips to allow him better access. When that job is done, his hands go back to caressing her, on the inside of her thighs now, slowly moving up to cover her ass. This snaps her from her thoughts. Now she just wants to fully enjoy their moment, to fully enjoy his kisses, his caresses, to let herself go completely. She moves her hips forward so he can reach to pull her thong down her legs, letting it drop to the floor. She shivers at the contact of her now naked core against his erection bulging through his pants. She smiles, a hint of pride on her face as she realizes that she crossed the door only minutes before and he's already so hard, so turned on by her, by her body, by her kisses.

His look is so passionate, almost predatory, as he palms her between her legs, making her sigh heavily under the sudden and unexpected brush of his hand on her clit.

She watches as he kneels in front of her, and lets out a deep moan as she feels his tongue licking her slit, leaving soft trails at first and gently sucking on her clit. Her hands instinctively grab hold of his shoulders, as he makes his way inside of her, sending light shivers across her body. He sure as hell knows how to use his tongue, among other few things she came to appreciate over the past few weeks.

She tries to subdue a scream, as he brushes her clit with a finger. The combination of that with his tongue working his magic inside her sends her over the edge, and her breathing becomes erratic, her whole body shaking as she comes.

As he stands up, meeting her wide eyes, all she can do, all she has the strength to do, is to place a soft kiss on his lips. She smiles, the satisfaction written all over her face, the kisses becoming more passionate and urgent as she slowly catches her breath.

Without breaking the kisses, she fumbles with his belt buckle and the zip of his trousers, till she manages to push them down to his knees, taking his boxers with them.

The first time in his apartment and they're not even making it to the bedroom. As she takes him in her hands, driving him inside herself as he lifts her up, she has no intentions at all to move, to break the moment just to search for a more comfortable position. She's fine like this, it feels good like this…it feels…perfect, as she sighs under Will's slow, deep thrust. She wraps one leg up around his waist to find that perfect angle, so he can reach the right spot at every thrust.

As he brushes her cheek, she can feel the strong smell of her wetness on his hand and smiles between herself at the realization that Will clearly has the same you-turn-me-on effect on her that she has on him.

His thrusts are slow, deep, leaving her breathless every time he draws back. She tilts her head to one side, a silent invitation for him to move his kisses down her neck. She moans at the feeling of his warm breath on her skin, and feels her own breath getting labored as his mouth moves down onto her breast, his hands drawing aside the straps of her dress.

She instinctively draws him closer, circling his neck with her arms, running one hand through his hair. She smiles as he murmurs something, while leaving soft but hot trails on the skin of her breast. She can't hear what he is saying, his voice is covered by her heavy breathing but she guesses it must be some hot compliment and she's fine with that.

She meets his gaze as he lifts his head. The way he's looking at her, he makes her feel so special, he makes her wish that all the complications in her life could just disappear with a single snap of her fingers. He's smiling at her, a look of curiosity on his face, and she just smiles back, because at least for now, in his apartment, in his arms, she wants to pretend that all the complications are just the unpleasant figment of her imagination.

The thought of their pretend fight in front of Diane only a couple of hours before crosses her mind. If she only knew… Alicia wonders if they're overdoing it, if they should try and act normally instead, like nothing ever happened between them. She knows that the game they are playing is a dangerous one but at the same time she knows that neither of them would ever be willing to give it up, renouncing these precious little moments, and their so longed for intimacy.

"Are we overdoing it?" she asks him in a faint voice.


	5. Don't leave

**Author's Note: Thanks for all the amazing reviews. They are for me the strongest motivation to keep on writing! **

**This chapter is mainly T rated, ****Will's POV.**

**Enjoy, R&R :)**

* * *

The burnt orange sunset peeps in from a narrow crack of the curtains. Will checks the clock, it's 7:30 pm. The day is almost over, and he slightly grimaces at the realization that his little cuddling moment with Alicia will soon be over either.

The surreal light creates fabulous color effects on her hair, bringing out a reddish tone on her wisps scattered on the creamy pillow. Her dark hair plays a strong and breathtaking contrast with her porcelain skin.

Curled up against his chest, she seems so vulnerable, with her tiny shoulders and thin body, as she lies in a light sleep, her hand resting on his heart.

To a stranger eye she'd look so weak, but Will knows that she's not, not by a long shot. All the things she's been through over the last years brought out a strength in her that she's very likely, even today, not totally aware of. He thinks, she's probably stronger than he will ever be. Not that it's hard to believe it, as right now, Alicia is definitely his biggest weakness. He would do pretty much everything for her, he would accept any kind of compromise to have her, something he had already did, the day they agreed upon a only-sex-and-fun-based relationship.

But in moments like these, when she lies totally relaxed in his arms, a hint of smile on her sleeping features, he wonders if he'll ever be capable to content himself with what she's willing to offer him.

He slowly brushes a unruly wisp aside from her cheek, causing her to slightly stiffen, her peaceful rest disturbed. He doesn't dare to move a single finger, afraid she might wake up and leave. He's not yet ready to let her go, so he just lies by her side, his arm holding her in a tight embrace.

So many nights he dreamt of having her in his bed, instead of some passing replacement. And tonight, for the first time, he watches at the woman lying beside him and smiles at how she perfectly fits in his embrace.

"I should go." Alicia's voice is soft, slightly hoarse by the brief sleep, as she puts into words the moment he was trying to avoid with every means necessary.

He tenses and his arm unconsciously holds her tighter, pulling her closer. He doesn't want to break the pleasant contact with the warm and soft skin of her still naked body. It's a feeling he's been longing for so long that the moment when she has to leave is always painful.

He gazes down to meet her drowsy eyes, his look softening in a hinted smile as he lowers to meet her lips with his own in a gentle kiss.

"I know." He truly does. That doesn't mean he likes it.

Her eyes wide open, Alicia looks around at the surroundings, probably becoming aware only now that she's actually lying in his bed.

"So," she starts, then looks back at him, her fingers drawing light trails on his chest, "this is Will Gardner's famous lair…" she says in a slightly teasing manner.

He gazes around, taking a look at his own bedroom, wondering how it appears to her eyes, and what kind of ideas she made about him. How did they end up in bed anyway? He can't remember. He remembers very well taking her in the foyer, and there's no trace of their clothes in the room, except for Alicia's bra on the end of the bed, which makes him guess the rest of their clothes are probably down in the hallway.

Honestly enough, there's not much he can do to deny his reputation with women, but what Alicia doesn't know, is that not many women have been allowed in his apartment, and into his bed. He always tended to confine his affairs to hotels, or to his lover's apartment, but never his own.

"Yes, a very private lair," he says, looking back at her with a smile. "So private that, well, family aside, only a couple of women had the honor and…" What's the best word? "The pleasure… to see it." Yes, 'pleasure' sounds appropriate under the circumstances.

His smile widens at the look on Alicia's face, something between surprised and amused.

"Really?" She asks, probably unable to understand how he managed to keep all his ex-girlfriends at due distance so easily, and there were a lot.

"I think…" Finding the words to describe it, it's not easy for Will. There's so much involved, more than they are probably aware of at this point. "I think I just don't like to mix up some fun with real feelings…" _Oops._ Now, this is probably the best thing to say to scare Alicia away.

"I… I mean…" What does he mean? Telling her she's not just some fun only a couple of weeks into their relationship would probably give her the go-to to say goodbye and leave without glancing back. Telling that she is just some fun… well, it would probably sound even worse, offensive to say the least. Not to mention, it would be a lie, and he lied so many times to her, hiding his deepest feelings for her, that if there is even the slightest chance that their affair turns into something more serious, he can't bring himself to start it under the untruth.

He turns just in time to see her face turning from surprise into a hinted, shy smile, as she probably realizes the significance of his words.

Clearly catching his plain embarrassment, she leans towards him with a smile, placing a gentle kiss on his lips, preventing him from saying something that he might regret later, giving them both a way out of a conversation that neither of them is ready to handle yet. They had barely recovered from the passionate lovemaking and still, here he is, already hooked again on her warm kisses.

"Then I guess I should feel honored to be here," she jokes, but her voice is soft, giving him reassurance that whatever is happening between them, she's not making fun of his feelings. "As for the pleasure… well, I think that is indisputable," she concludes with a teasing smirk.

Alicia's phone bleeping interrupts the peaceful and pleasant moment, causing them both to slightly wince. He clings to her waist in the vain attempt to prevent her from picking up the damn phone.

As she sits up, leaning to reach the device, the sheet slips down exposing her breasts. "Hello?" She answers with a faint voice.

With a sweet smile, he caresses her soft curves with his eyes.

"A little late, I'll be there in half an hour," she explains to someone on the phone. One of her kids? His hand instinctively reaches out to cup one of her small breasts. He smiles as he feels her shiver under his touch.

"Ok, see you later," she concludes before hanging up. "Now, this was very unfair of you, Mr. Gardner," she reprimands him with a knowing smile.

_Don't leave._ He wished it were enough to convince her to stay. He smiles a bittersweet smile because he knows she's about to leave for real. _Don't leave me._ He reaches out, slightly brushing her cheek, pulling her closer for one last kiss. _Stay with me_. He's well aware that she can't stay. He's well aware that he doesn't even have the right to ask her to stay.

She looks around searching for her dress. All she can find is her bra at the end of the bed. She gives him a questioning and amused look. "Follow the trail of clothes and you'll find the door," he jokes. She smiles. One last kiss. He watches as she turns to leave, picking up the slightly creased dress lying on the floor, right outside the bedroom door.

"See you tomorrow," she says before leaving, a soft smile on her face.

"See you tomorrow," he says, suddenly feeling alone, but with the certainty that eventually she'll be here again.

It might not be bound to last, it might be wrong in so many ways, for so many reasons. Still, Will smiles to himself. The way it feels, being with her, being together, it seems so right and he knows that what they have, whatever it is, is not going to be over anytime soon.


	6. To Hell With Bad Timing

**A/N: This story hasn't been updated in ages. When I started writing it, it was supposed to be an insight into various moments of their relationship. So which better occasion than the heartbreaking season finale to go back to updating my love? Sorry if the ending sounds a bit rushed. My mind at midnight is a bit numbed but I really needed to have it finished, for a sort of self-therapy.**

He checks his wristwatch as he strides back to his car. It's 3:35 a.m. and in the dead of night the air is freezing. He shivers and wraps himself up tightly in his coat before he jumps back in and lets himself fall down heavily on his seat. Out of the corner of his eye, he catches Alicia start lightly and realizes that she must have fallen asleep sometime during the long wait.

She looks drowsy, her eyes close, clearly struggling but failing to open. "Oh, what's going on?" she asks in a whisper.

His gaze straight in front of him, he feels a bit sorry for waking her with no reason. "Nothing. Abernathy is on a sciatica walk and the guard won't let us in until he's back. Go ahead and sleep," he reassures her, as he finally takes a moment to stare at her. She looks tired, as she still tries to get her eyes open. But gravity and exhaustion seem to be having the upper hand on her will. They would surely all pay to be comfortably sleeping in their own beds. He's exhausted himself, he realizes, as he lets his head fall against the headrest. It's so awkward, to be here with Alicia in his car, alone, at night. The hint of a smile slips as he realizes how close, yet distant they are. The irony.

He can feel her gaze on him but doesn't dare to look back at her. Maybe it's just a sensation. Maybe she has already fallen back asleep and what he feels is only his wish that it were reality. They are both so vulnerable in this moment, aren't they? And the memory of the gala night is still so vivid in his mind, and so is the pain as he remembers Alicia's umpteenth reminder – to him or to herself? - that it had to end.

"You broke up with Laura?"

Her question, unexpected, whispered, makes him jerk. He looks down as he answers. "No."

He was ready – or only resigned – to go, to take Alicia's plead to don't look back again.

He was ready – or maybe desperate enough – to hope that Laura could sort of heal the wounds of seeing Alicia's tears as she told him those words.

_I have to._

_We are preventing each other from moving on._

It's been weeks. But the memory still strikes him. She wanted them to move on, and he was trying to please her. Or at least to put across to her that he was. But for some obscure reason, fate seems to be against it. That fate, wicked and insidious, keeps on throwing mixed signals that he can't seem to work out. Or maybe he knows it, and it's Alicia that tries to ignore them with all her might. Still, this doesn't change the facts. It's been over – is it really? – for a year and a half now and they are still here, trying to hush what he deceptively called a reminiscence of their relationship.

"She with me," he explains. And this time, for a brief moment, he looks straight into her eyes. He doesn't know why. He doesn't know what he's searching for in her gaze. Maybe just to make sure that she knows it wasn't his choice? That he was moving on like she wanted him to?

"I'm sorry." Her voice is sincere. Tired but sincere as she whispers those two words. But he's not quite sure what she's sorry for. For his umpteenth relationship to be over? For his boundless talent to always end up alone and miserable? In the dark of the night, he tries to read into her eyes but fails. If he could, he'd light up the sky so he could read her thoughts through those beautiful eyes. But then, it would just ruin the moment, so placid but tense at the same time; it would break that thin trace of magic that envelop them, between the stillness of the night and the glass that, so misted up by the humidity and by their own breaths, cocoons them in a moment from the rest of the world.

"You're still friends?" He's not sure why he's asking her. Maybe, deep down inside, he wants to believe that Alicia is not the reason. That Laura made her choice for reasons that, true or false, have nothing to do with her.

Alicia hesitates and shrugs. She looks away as she murmurs, "I don't know."

Why does everything always have to be so damn complicated? For one, he wishes that the events of life would stop rebounding from infinity and back, like a chain reaction. For once, he wishes that the choices we make could just stay that way. Choices. No repercussions. Because he has learned the hard way that repercussions are always negative. Maybe there's a reason for it. Maybe it's only one of the many signs he doesn't want to get. Still, as he stares passionately at her, he can't help but thinking that what he feels every time he looks into her eyes, the pain he feels every time he thinks that she's not his – not anymore, those feelings can't be wrong.

She hesitates, maybe searching in her mind, still numbed by the sleep, for a good motive. "I think she thinks I was getting between you two," she finally says.

And inwardly Will nods, then looks away. Laura is not dumb. She probably sensed those lingering, unrequited feelings before they could do so themselves. She chose the easiest and less painful way out; she reached safety before it was too late. And honestly enough, he can't blame her. He would have probably done the same. Or not. Probably not. Because on second thought, he could have reached safety a long time ago. He could have done what every decent man does; find a good wife, have a kid, a little William Gardner Jr who one day would become a lawyer like his dad. But he didn't. He couldn't. And somehow he feels he still can't today. For years he persisted in waiting for that love that made him at the same time like he was on cloud nine and yet so miserable. And a part of him still refuses to let go.

He doesn't dare to stare at Alicia's face. Because it's clear to both of us that it's true. And this time it's not his imagination that makes him feel her gaze on him. He senses they're getting there for the millionth time and it's already hurting. Because for the millionth time, they will both end up wounded. After all, it's what they always do. It's like their respective subconscious minds feel the need to keep on tearing each other apart.

"That kiss opened up something between us again, didn't it?" Alicia's voice falters.

_Here we are_. Again in that tunnel, apparently with no way out. And even if he knows it's going to hurt, he needs to look into her eyes, in the same way she probably needs – or fears – that his gaze might confirm her doubts. But he can't. He can't bring himself to meet her gaze.

"I don't know how to close it."

His face slightly turned towards her, he still can't look at her as he answers. "I know."

"But if we pursue it, it'll just be like last time," she whispers. And even in the silence of the night, her voice gets lower and lower, it's barely audible. He searches through his memories. _It'll just be like last time_. He goes through the images, some still vivid in time, some blurry, to find a definition for what it was last time. But inside of him, all he can find is confusion, and a mix of feelings, confused, repressed, expressed then retreated, misinterpreted. And he doesn't know if her feelings are the same or if they created a sort of personalized, selective memory of their months together.

"What was last time?" He asked, confused. He needs to know.

"I don't know," she says, quivering, "but it'll be worse." Her eyes hesitate, casting quick glances at him just to look down again the very next moment. She looks like she's afraid to meet his eyes. "I'm with Peter," she says, her eyes closed in what is an unmistakable look of anguish. Or maybe she's just trying to erase the image of a situation she feels stuck in. "And I just… I can't figure my way out of this one".

This time, the darkness is not playing tricks on him. In the feeble light of the streetlights, he can see the tears in her eyes. He knows she won't cry, certainly not in front of him. He knows she's fighting with all her strength to keep her feelings at bay, like she always does. He's confident that she would never let him, but in this moment, all he wants to do is to lean closer and kiss those lips, to let her know with a kiss that, after all, there is indeed a way out of that life that doesn't make her happy anymore. But it's Alicia. And happiness is irrelevant when your husband might be elected anytime soon to be the Governor of the State of Illinois and your life is only about to get even more complicated. Family. Responsibility. The right thing. This is Alicia. And Will can't change her. Not that he wants to anyway.

Because what keeps her away from him, is at the same time what he loves in her the most. That delicate, discreet strength of someone who's been through the worst and learned the fine art of keeping the broken pieces together without a needed glue to tie them. And he doesn't realize, not until Alicia moves imperceptibly, that his own eyes are wet. He takes a moment to realize that she's getting closer, more and more, her delicate neck turning towards him to get the kiss they both crave. That kiss he never thought he would be allowed to give her only moments before. So, he doesn't hesitate and meets her, halfway, his heart skips a beat as their lips touch, so warm and eager. No anger or frustration this time. Not like their last kiss. There is a sort of desperate passion in the way she kisses him, she seems to hesitate, then kisses him again, more deeply. He wishes it'd never end. He wishes it's a beginning, a new beginning, but an unwelcome feeling inside of him tells him that it's going to end in another heartbreak. For the both of them. He winces when he realizes that she's breaking the kiss. It hurts to think that it might be the last one, and this time for real.

"Oh, God." That's all she can say. They weren't supposed to end up here again. What happened to moving on? To having it end? Those words that sounded wrong, forced, last time, sound even more wrong now. This cannot end. There is no way they can move on. He knows it, he always knew. And tonight he gets the confirmation that she can't either. Both stuck in a feeling, in a love – because that's what it is - that's not meant to be. Is there something worse? No. He's pretty sure that there isn't.

He rests his forehead against hers, as their noses touch, brushing softly against each other. He can feel her anguish, her pain, all her conflict, in the way she breaks the kiss, but can't seem capable to let him physically go.

"What do we do?" she asks. And all he can do is to lightly shake his head. Because he doesn't know. He remembers when she once asked him for a plan. And he really didn't have it. All he had back then, all he has still today, is his unconditional, desperate love for this woman.

Then, the sudden, unexpected sound of sharp hit on the hood, makes them both jump.

_Panic_.

Diane. Of all the people who could witness their moment of… what was it? Weakness? No. They've been through moments of weakness and it looked nothing like this. Weakness is when you yield to temptation, to lust, to forbidden. What they have just shared has nothing to do with yielding, rather it's a last desperate attempt to defy all of them.

Yet, in a moment of sudden lucidity, Mrs. Loy's words come back to his mind. _If you love my daughter, it's time to stop being polite about it._ He never thought, for a single moment, to act on it. She was clear in her choice and if there is something that he could never do, is to force her out of it. But now, in front of her hesitation, of her hardly suppressed tears, of her own admission that she can't move on either, he knows that acting is their only way out.

"This night is over, we talk." The words come out, resolute, barely pondered. He has just made his choice. For once, he's not letting her choose – or not choose – for the both of them. He already knows she's going to and try to protest, as much as he knows that he won't let her.

"We can't." She tries to stop him, her voice pleading to let all of this go. But he doesn't let her. If he lets it go now, he senses he might be losing his last chance. _Their_ last chance.

_It'll__ be worse_. He doesn't care. He lost everything once and knows now that what hurt the most was losing her. He can live through everything, but not to losing her again. Not when everything in her, her eyes bright with tears, her cracked voice, the despair on her lips as they kissed, is telling him that she feels the same. So he doesn't give her a way out. He's not being _polite_ when, before she can even pronounce those words, _we can't_, he stops her. "To hell with the bad timing," he says, collecting the courage in the view of the now empty street.

When he stares back at her, there isn't the smallest hint of doubt. No hesitation. If she can't find a way out of this, he'll do it for her, for _them_. He turns and stares straight at her, with a confidence, a resolution, he never knew belonged to him. "We talk," he persists. And his gaze doesn't betray the slightest hesitation as he pronounces those words that he knows, Alicia is fearing more than anything else. _To hell with the bad timing_, he repeats to himself as he jumps out of his car.


End file.
